just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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