clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
