hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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