I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
