Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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