This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
