oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize