i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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