How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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