I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
