last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
