We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize