They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
