I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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