Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
