you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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