Four minutes until I can fart!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
