I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
