Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
