Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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