It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
