Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
