Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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