Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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