Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
