Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
