I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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