I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
