wake up i wanna do it froggy style
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
