so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you win again, gameday.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
