How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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