actually, I'm a sock model
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
