hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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