dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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