Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
