Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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