I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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