Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
