did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize