My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
