One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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