I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
