so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
