i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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