i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
