Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
