i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I deserve this hangover.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
