We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
