I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
