dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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