I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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