lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
