i just had sex bonerless
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
