The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
