i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
