Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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