Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
