oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
