fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
