as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
