I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
What a dumb baby whore.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize
