She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Randomize
