I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
