And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
