girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize