I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
