When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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