my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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